Archive for the ‘Blonde’ Category

Oh my this was a funny one

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to commit suicide?

The police found 6 bullet holes in her mirror.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.

Hellloooo,………..just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It’s been a year! I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it’s only fair to warn you, given that you’re blind, that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five freakin’ times.”

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the Bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

‘What’s up?’ she asks.

‘I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband.

The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, ‘Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Susan is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!’

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bed room, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

‘You rotten bitch,’ she screams.

‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!’

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must have been a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 Gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the note.

The blond came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?”

The blond said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it Pasteurized?”

The blond said, “No, just up to my neck, I’ll just splash it in my eyes.”

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

‘Mommy, Mommy,’ she yelled, ‘we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!’

‘Very good,’ said her mother.

‘Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?’

‘Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,’ her mother replied.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school.

‘Mommy, Mommy,’ she yelled, ‘we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!’

‘Very good,’ said her mother. ‘Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?’

‘Yes, pumpkin, it’s because you’re blonde.’ The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

Mommy, Mommy,’ she yelled, ‘we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!’

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

‘Very good,’ said her embarrassed mother.

‘Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?’

‘No, it’s because you’re 25.’

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.’

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, ‘Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!’

As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down and squealed ‘YES! YES! I WON! I WON!’

She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, ‘What did she roll?’

The other answered, ‘I don’t know… I thought you were watching.’

A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class. The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to California.” The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move. The blond says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to California.”

The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class. The attendants are flabbergasted, “What did you say to her?” “I just told her that this section of the plane doesn’t go to California.

There was a blonde driving through the country. She just dyed her hair brown because she was sick of being made fun of her hair color.

She was really hungry so she stopped at a farmer’s house and says, “Hi, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?”

The farmer agreed. So she quickly counted them and said, “91.”

The farmer looked around puzzeledly and said,”Ok. Take one.”

When the blonde was walking back to her car the farmer asked, “If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?”